A new start
Starting at Holidaymaker in January meant throwing myself into a startup while still learning how to be a mum to a baby not yet one. Exciting, messy, and harder than I thought.
I started at Holidaymaker in January, throwing myself into the deep end of a high-risk startup. The first few months have been a mix of excitement and steep learning. There’s been space to build something of my own, while also getting a first real taste of agency-side work. Until now I’d never had that view.
The only way it works is because of Mark. He’s taken on most of the childcare while he studies again. We don’t qualify for government support until William is three, because student status doesn’t count as income. It means waiting until the community nursery takes him at two and a half. The private options cost double or triple.
We’re fortunate though. Mark can be at home, and we’ve got grandparents nearby who step in more than we could ever ask. One set should be retired and enjoying a slower pace. The others are still grafting on the farm with no retirement plan (I don’t think any farmer retires…). Both have been there for us without hesitation.
Side note - I know how rare this set-up is, many parents are pushed to breaking point without it. It really does take a village that most do not have.
Mark going back to study animation was a big shift. Gardening for the rest of his life wasn’t an option. The health impact, the Crohn’s, the wear and tear, it wasn’t sustainable. He’s always been incredibly artistic, so I’m proud he’s making that leap. What an amazing example to our son. He’s been my rock through all of this.
I’m rereading The Passage trilogy by Justin Cronin (brilliant by the way) and a few lines stuck with me from my highlights…
“It happened fast. Thirty-two minutes for one world to die, another to be born.”
Life doesn’t usually change that suddenly, but motherhood and a new career in the same year has been intense.
Another line...
“It’s better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.”
It’s dramatic, but it explains the leap. Standing still had started to feel worse than the risk of leaving and finally pushing myself.
Reflections
It’s been a challenge. Busy, a bit crazy. I’ve had moments where I doubt I know what I’m doing, and it’s exciting at the same time. The buzz is back.
Motherhood is harder than I thought. I struggle with it more than I expected (PND is an endless torrid river feeding off my existing meandering brain…).
It’s also beautiful. Those quiet 3am feeds when it’s just me and him, everything still, that’s what keeps me going.
The family snuggles at the weekend when all we need to do is rest and play.
I’m feeling like I am finding my stride, slowly. Working with good humans, with Mark and Will beside and behind me, I have a new spark I am greeting and nurturing like an old friend. I feel a sense of space I have long needed.
