Being me... authentically?

So when my brain feels like a fucking mess and everything’s not quite coming together, I find frames and scaffolding help, a prompt, a set of questions, something to carry my crazy thoughts from start, middle and end, because they lower the pressure and let me think more clearly.

BUT, as with most things now the risk is relying on the frame or the system or the tool to do the creating for us, so I’ve been thinking about how you move through that process and still sound like yourself, still true, because if you’re like me the thoughts are chaotic so the writing is chaotic... and organised chaos is fine, but I can’t ever template myself because I’m too changeable, you know, or maybe you don’t...

“Words and ideas can change the world”

Surely the framework, the tool is only there to help me reach for the thing I actually need… the thing I forgot I even thought…and when I feel the frame starting to speak over me I pull back.

I need and value my own voice. it’s messy, chaotic, rambling and deeply mine - so much more than ever before - falling comfortably into my voice, is an ongoing and wonderful thing.

And yet, remember.

Tools are brilliant until they flatten you.

Blend you in. Make you beige and sterile. And boring. same same same.. again and again..

For me, I use Ai for structure all the time.

Especially when my brain is foggy... a list when i'm scatty and fragmented can help ground me... a dictated thought in the early hours, can allow me to switch off and sleep... maybe…

...and that doesn't make it less me, if anything it's more me.

I try to keep a few habits without turning them into a religion (almost impossible for me to maintain anyway). Leading with a single sentence or thought that holds the point of the piece and I let everything else serve it.... flow from that thread.

If a paragraph is technically neat but cold, I tear it apart, ruin the order, making it messy and imperfectly perfect for me.... to me, from me.

“Anyone can wear the mask” is how I think about the tools.

Platforms will try to convince you that louder is better, and faster is better, and sameness is safer; I am trying, stubbornly, to do what feels instinctively right. I really am (I promise) trying to trust my gut for once!!

Still me, built by me, crafted by me, trained by me. But not always 100% "original" me, when i'm not feeling 100%... me.

And that’s ok… she says.

What I want to leave behind is not a perfect diagram, a template, a framework, but a room with my lingering thoughts still in it.

Unravelling this is an ongoing process...but exciting.

A final quote from a firm favourite in my house…

“Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere.” — Ratatouille