Still thinking about last night
I’ve been sitting with last night more than I expected to…
After the scale and pace of HARPA in Westminster, coming back to Dorset and spending the evening at Women in Tech Dorset felt very different.
We hosted the event at Holidaymaker, and I want to start with gratitude to my friend (and colleague) Vicky, who stayed after work to help host, supported everyone in the room, and brought so much care to the evening. Watching someone you work with feel genuinely energised, says something about the culture you’re trying to build, and the people you build it with... community.
And to Sharon...
What Women in Tech Dorset has become is extraordinary. Not just events, a movement... a community built with thought, care and intention. It is for women, yes, but it is also for allies. People who want to listen, learn, support and change things. It is open and inclusive, and it is built on care rather than exclusion.
What I admire most is Sharon’s mission. To build something so strong, so embedded, that one day it is no longer necessary. She's generous, brave and passionate.
Thank you too to Katrina and Marianne for talks that were thoughtful, challenging and honest.
Katrina started the sessions with an amazing talk about open source technology and culture. You should check her out she's amazing...
Leading expert in open source culture. Named by Computer Weekly as a Most Influential Women in UK Tech, and by OpenUK as a Top 100 Influencer of Open Technology in the UK. Ex Citi, ex Red Hat... and based in the South West! Incredible.
I work with very clever techies, and there are times when my brain just goes to static... that didn’t happen once.. it was accessible without being simplistic. She's also really lovely and generous with her time and i really enjoyed our conversations afterwards. Really hope to have some more in the not so distant future!
What stayed with me was her framing of culture. Not as something owned by senior leadership or fixed through policy alone, but as something shaped by all of us, every day...
The way we speak. What we tolerate. What we challenge. What we let slide because it feels awkward or inconvenient.
Which is topical as i just bought this book after another instagram doom scroll that just enraged me... The Bystander Effect: The Psychology of Courage and How to be Brave by Catherine Sanderson. Can't wait to read it!
Sharon then asked a question: What are you personally going to do to improve culture in your workplace next week?
I thought I knew my answer, but it changed as the evening went on. As I thought about arriving home from meeting and joyfully speaking to many wonderful people at the Conference, to the jolt of Dorset calm and the passion of teh event...
Since my late ADHD diagnosis, I’ve found myself using it almost like a small shield, a way of excusing myself in advance, apologising... again.
I’ve masked for so long that being “a lot” still feels like something I need to explain, justify or apologise for. I joke and laugh, but what i mean is am I ok now, am i accepted? You know what, I was and I am - even if some think I'm weird (I AM weird).
It's... a lot.
There’s a mix of relief and grief that comes with a diagnosis...
Relief, because so much suddenly makes sense.
Grief, because you look back at years of thinking you were failing, or too much, or not quite right, when actually you just needed different things. A different environment, a different pace... understanding.
Like my friend Dave said at dinner over the last few days, we all carry a collective sadness... (apologies if i'm paraphrasing here Dave), but I guess just that fact alone should make us more kind.
It helps when you are in a safe environment... which is so vital as we all have our own shit going on - our own stories...
In the vein of being brave, I will share a little of mine with you.
In January 2018 we were one of the many families who go through the loss of a child. Our first child, Jack. As he was born over the (at the time) threshold of 24 weeks, he could be registered as a birth, it also meant that I was still entitled to "maternity leave" - see a problem here?!
Returning to work during that period was difficult, and expectations shifted at a time when I was grieving and depleted. I kept going, worked harder, carried more responsibility than my role and salary reflected, and then COVID arrived, bringing fear, pressure and a level of anxiety that became constant.
I told myself it would be fine. That loyalty and effort would be rewarded.
It wasn’t.
We were fortunate to have our rainbow William in 2022, made possible by fully funded IVF through the NHS.
Having William changed something in me.
It gave me the clarity and strength to leave, even without another role to go to. It seemed reckless, and very unlike me, but I was done and burnt out.
By chance, and help from Chris who i met in London years before, I met David Lakins and Dave McRobbie who happened to be looking for a marketing manager... My interview location? A pub in Poundbury...
This could work.
Despite first impressions, they turned out to be intelligent, decent humans to work for... (I tried to not take the piss, I really did...).
At Holidaymaker, flexibility and trust is real. Work adapts to life, not the other way around... we can do the school run, attend the never-ending school pantos, sports days... care for a pet, take a day for your health, need a break, go for a walk...
In a county where women are still paid less, harmed more and heard less in decision-making, that kind of workplace is not a nice-to-have. It should be the bare minimum.
We still have work to do, but my working life should not sound as unusual as it does when I describe it to people. The fact that it does is part of the problem.
Which brings me passionately to Marianne’s talk. The data she shared from Dorset Women CIC was confronting and close to home, i have since done more reading and the picture is a grim one...
Women make up 51 per cent of Dorset’s population, yet women here experience a 15 per cent gender pay gap compared to men. Women are around 85 per cent of the victims of violent crime in Dorset. Over 300 sexual violence crimes are committed in the county every year, with women making up the vast majority of victims.
Dorset Police’s charge rate for rape and serious sexual offences has fallen from 23.7 per cent in 2014–15 to 4.9 per cent in 2022–23. In 2023 alone, nearly 8,500 domestic abuse crimes were reported in Dorset, and only seven per cent resulted in a charge or summons.
As a survivor, those figures are devastating, but they are not surprising. They tap into those experiences that too many of us carry, that sadness.
They are about people living next door to us, working alongside us... sitting in rooms like the ones we were in over the last few days.
Women remain under-represented in local decision-making, access to higher-paid work is uneven, waiting times for women’s health services are at an all-time high, and outcomes lag badly enough that targeted women’s health programmes are being developed just to close gaps that should never have existed in the first place!
This is why the Dorset Women’s Charter is ambitious... It cannot afford not to be.
What has stayed with me wasn’t just the scale of the data, but the sense of shared responsibility.
This isn’t about a single organisation, a handful of events, or good intentions. It’s about systems, culture and power. It’s about what we accept as normal, what we tolerate, and what we are willing to challenge.
Spaces like Women in Tech Dorset matter because they give people room to listen, learn, laugh and reflect without armour on. I myself started in my usual energetic, self apologising way and by the end felt calmer, more "real me"... unmasked.
But they don’t pretend to be the whole answer. And change doesn’t happen in rooms where people all agree...
We need everyone, not women alone.
We need allies, we need leaders, teams and organisations willing to look properly at what is happening, even when it is uncomfortable... Especially when it's uncomfortable.
Follow Women in Tech Dorset on eventbrite to join in with future events! Open to all, with STEM activities for children.
I’m glad I was there. I’m glad we hosted it. And I’m glad I’m still thinking about it. I hope you are now too.
Right I'm off to recharge and rest.
TTFN Lana x
